Mid-Morning Roundup

Greg Oden deserves to party with hot white girls after last night's last minute swat. (The Big Lead)

Tubby Smith is going where? Minnesota is an upgrade? (Rumors and Rants)

Koby is still on a tear and apparently wants the ball. (Signal to Noise)

Joey Porter gets thrown like a little girl. (Sports by Brooks)

Nothing like the WAG of the WEEK to really research European culture. (The Offside)

Beer or Birth Control? You might want to splurge on protection. (AP)

Mid-Morning Roundup

David Carr gets shafted by the man, better known as the Texans head office. (Signal to Noise)

Suzy Kolber vs. Rachel Nichols. Who you got? (The Big Picture)

Tom Brady isn't batting 1000 anymore. (The Big Lead)

Falling asleep at a stop light when you have been drinking is never a good thing. (Deadspin)

If you have seen the movie '300' then you might want to enter this contest. (Bodog)

Is Kobe trying to pedal some 'Nike' to Durant? (LA Times)

A-Rod getting ready for the opt-out portion of his contract and maybe a new friend to have sleep-overs with. (NY Times)

Raiders sign the other Booty to play QB. I'm sure they will be looking at Jeff George again later this month.

Carmen Electra might be a lesbian? I wish it was with someone hotter, maybe like Sienna Miller. (Starpulse)

Late-Morning Roundup

Hey, if Jeff Garcia wants to parade around like he's straight I can respect that, but don't steal a playmate from Hef. (The Hater Nation)

All the other GM's want to be like Mike. (Signal to Noise)

North Carolina just love their basketball team. (Awful Announcing)

"Little Ronaldo" celebrates his birthday today. (The Offside)

George Foreman becomes a judge. It's not an eating contest, is it? (AP)

Scarlett Johansson likes the elderly. What the hell is she thinking? (People)

Mid-Afternoon Roundup - St. Patty's Edition

It was a great weekend filled with Guinness and NCAA Basketball. I haven't been posting much because I have been busy at work and the tournament is on. Multi-tasking when you have two active boys isn't the easiest thing to do. Anyway, here are a couple of quick links and thoughts for you to digest.

Betting is definitely not my forte. I'm taking place in an invite only Battle of the Blogs over at NBX Sportsbook and so far I'm only $21,000 in the hole. (NBX)


Joey Porter just got paid and is handing out beat-downs. (The Big Lead)

The love-feast for Kobe continues... (Union Tribune)

Jerramy Stevens enters my list of top 10 guys not to live next to at #1. (Kissing Suzy Kolber)

Keeper vs. Keeper and you just got bounced. (The Offside)

Little brother got the hook up and didn't even have to dance. (People)

Mid-Morning Roundup

Duke gets beat by VCU and help to make my life much happier. (Clubber Lang's Basement)

Tank Johnson gets 120 days in jail. I'm sure he's planning on celebrating with some uzzies when he gets out. (Chicago Bears)

The 4 vs 5 match-up isn't an easy one. It really comes down to what you like more, Blonde or Brunette? (The Big Picture)

Lakers lose their seventh in a row. Hey Zen master, have you heard of teaching some defense? (LA Times)

Eagles get the last white receiver left in free agency. (ESPN)

Oprah battles Leno for Posh Spice. Damn she's hot, Oprah of course. (Pink Football)

Carmen would rather stay home with me than go out with you. (People)

Michael Vick Just Loves The Pinot Noir

Michael Vick, I mean "Mike Vick" has opened his own winery, The Tasting Room, in suburban Atlanta. When I think of Vick the first thing that comes to mind is a good wine. I mean how else do you think he got the name "Ron Mexico" other than by being a connoisseur of fine wines. Vick is also trying to give back to the community with this new venture. Vick had this to say,

"It's good for people to see that I'm giving back to the community, where people can see me trying to do something that's positive. There's a lot of people speculating about things I do that are not so positive."

This is how you give back to the community? You open a winery? I'm sure all of the poor kids in town will be lining up with the parents for your next Chardonnay tasting. Why not build a park or donate some signed jerseys? Maybe it's the black substance found in the water bottle talking. Why else would he be opening a winery in the Dirty South? Is he gonna have Jermaine Dupree and Packman Jones over for an apéritif before they hit the strip clubs? What wine goes best with chicken wings and peach cobbler anyway?

Restaurant open, but not Vick (AJC.com)

Mid-Morning Roundup

Lance Briggs is not a baby, he just needs a hug and some more money. (AOL Sports)

Niagara earn the right to get blown out by Kansas. (March Madness Time)

Europe's finest can't handle the red devils, but who can? (Fox Sports)

Those kindergarten kids are back to calculate the world soccer rankings. (FIFA)

I hate it when Unicorns take over at the wheel. They never seem to be able to handle u-turns. (AP)

I like the idea of cricket now, but only because you really showed me how to play the game. (Sports by Brooks)

How Tom Brady Got His Groove Back

What a off-season for Tom Brady. First he finds out that he might be having 2 kids with 2 different "extremely hot" women, and then he finds out that he will actually have real receivers to throw the ball to when the NFL season starts again. The Patriots are definitely winning Free Agency right now and no one should be happier than "Mr. Tuck Rule" himself. Last year he had a bug-eyed freak as his #1 and now he has Stallworth, Welker and Kyle Brady. These guys are real targets that can actually catch the ball.


You might want to lock up the Daddy-to-be early for your upcoming Fantasy squad. If Stallworth can stay healthy he might have a career year also. I know Brady likes to spread things around (especially his man juice), but I think with a real big play threat like Stallworth Brady will chuck it his way more times than you think. I think the AFC East is in trouble along with most of the NFL. Being a Raider fan I loath Brady and can't wait till some Defensive End take his head off, but we all know that will never happen as he has been anointed the "Golden Child". If they trade for Moss then I'll be convinced the NFL is rigged.

A quick Raider note: Maybe we can sign some more RB's (Jordan, Rhodes, Griffith, Fargas, etc...) or TE's (Anderson, Wakefield, Steward, etc...) as it looks like we don't have enough of them on the roster. Maybe we can trade some of our Offensive Line because we have so many Pro-Bowlers to choose from.

Pats continue spending (ESPN)

Mid-Morning Roundup

Charger fans have a new reason to jump on the bandwagon. (Union Tribune)

When 6 games under .500 is a good thing. East Coast NBA Basketball just sucks. (Awful Announcing)

Chris Simon only gets a 25 game suspension for being part of the NHL mafia. (Bleatings From a Caps Nut)

The Head Butt King has turned down playing with the European All-stars against my boys, Manchester United. Now that's an All-Star Team. (The Offsides)

The hot chick from the MTV show "Laguna Beach", Kristin Cavallari got branded by her boyfriend. What's next a barcode across the back of her neck? (NY Post)

The Real Super Bowl MVP Signs With The Raiders

Everyone knows that Peyton Manning wasn't the MVP of the Super Bowl. It should have been Dominic Rhodes, who just signed a 2 year deal with the Raiders.

It's about time that we started getting some players in free agency. Now we just need to get an entirely new Offensive line, a Quarterback, some Receivers that actually want to play for the team and get rid of the Crypt Keeper and we'll be good. In a perfect world we would trade Porter to Indy for their entire Offensive Line. Trade Moss to Cincinnati for Carson Palmer. Trade Jordan to any team that has an actual running back and get Calvin Johnson #1 in the draft.

In other NFL Signing News:

Reuben Droughns was traded to the NY Giants for Tim Carter. Not sure what the Giants are thinking here. Droughns is garbage and has problems off the field. That's the best they could do? Good luck with all that.

NFL Signings Continued...

Joey Porter: (LB) - Signed by Miami - (5 yrs 32.5 MILLION)




Napoleon Harris: (LB) - Signed by Kansas City - (6 yrs $$$$$$ MILLION)




Jamal Lewis: (RB) - Signed by Cleveland - (1 yr 3.5 MILLION)




Patrick Ramsey: (QB) - Signed by Denver - (2 yrs 5 MILLION)




Daniel Graham: (TE) - Signed by Denver - (5 yrs 30 MILLION)




Luke Petitgout: (OT) - Signed by Tampa Bay - (3 yrs 15.5 MILLION)




and I have a new avatar...



...it's better than the gay ass Yahoo one I had before.

Hey OJ, Did You Use A Glove This Time?

Now OJ Simpson is claiming that he might be the father of Anna Nicole's baby. Page Six of the NY Post has this to say:

ADD O.J. Simpson's name to the list of Anna Nicole Smith conquests. When the blond bombshell died last month and at least three men claimed to be the father of her baby girl, Dannielynn, the double-murder acquittee "said he was throwing his hat into the ring," Norm Pardo told Page Six. Pardo is the videographer who amassed 70 hours of footage of Simpson from 2000 to 2005. "He said he knew Anna Nicole pretty well, and he said he had slow-moving sperm, and he might be the father." Simpson and Smith were castmates in "Naked Gun 331/3: The Final Insult" (1994), and Anna Nicole was certainly O.J.'s type. His murdered wife, Nicole Brown Simpson, was also blond and busty. Simpson, who often visits the Bahamas, also joked to Pardo, "I hope they don't do a DNA test on Anna Nicole's baby. If they find out Dannielynn is mine, I don't want Fred Goldman trying to seize her money - or the baby herself." Goldman - the father of Ron Goldman, who was killed with Nicole - has been the most relentless in pursuing damages over the murders in civil court after Simpson was acquitted on criminal charges.

Who didn't Anna Nicole Smith bang? It seems like every guy that she has ever met has some how managed to hit that. OJ is just the next in a long, very long line of guys who will say that the child is theirs. I'm betting the next will be David Hasselhoff. Who you got?


Guess who else doinked Anna Nicole? (Our Book of Scrap)
OJ A Smith Dad Candidate (NY Post)

Another White Receiver Gets Signed

I was trying to find an image to use for this post on GOOGLE images and this is what I found:

caucasian + wide receiver

White Wide Receivers are all the rage this off season. You should definitely get one. They're going like hotcakes. The most recent to be signed is the speedy Wes Welker. There aren't many left so you better act now. Here is the rest of today's activities:

Wes Welker: (WR) - Traded to New England from Miami - (Miami gets 2 and 7 round picks)



Thomas Jones: (RB) - Traded to NY Jets from Chicago - (Chicago gets Early 2nd round pick)



Patrick Kerney: (DE) - Signed by Seattle - (6 yrs 39.5 MILLION)



Brad Johnson: (QB) - Signed by Dallas - (3 yrs $$$$ MILLION)



Travis Henry: (RB) - Signed by Denver - (5 yrs $$$$ MILLION)

Are You A Free Agent? Want To Get Paid? Well Come On Down!

Are You A Free Agent? Want To Get Paid? Well Come On Down!

One of the reasons I like the NFL so much is free agency. It might suck for some players because they have to worry about signing contracts all the time but who cares. This just in, YOU MAKE MILLIONS, STOP CRYING. Anyway, here is the run down on who got paid and who's still waiting:

Signed

Nate Clemens: (CB) - Signed by San Francisco - (8 yrs 80 MILLION)

Leonard Davis: (OT) - Signed by Dallas - (7 yrs 49.6 MILLION)


Eric Steinbach: (OG) - Signed by Cleveland - (7 yrs 49.5 MILLION)


Dewayne White: (DE) - Signed by Detroit - (5 yrs 29 MILLION)

Ahman Green: (RB) - Signed by Houston - (4 yrs 23 MILLION)



Drew Bennett: (WR) - Signed by St. Louis - (6 yrs 30 MILLION)


London Fletcher: (LB) - Signed by Washington - (5 yrs 25 MILLION)

Jeff Garcia: (QB) - Signed by Tampa Bay - (2 yrs 10 MILLION)


Ashlie Lelie: (WR) - Signed by San Francisco - (2 yrs 4.3 MILLION)


Adalius Thomas: (LB) - Signed by New England - ($$$ Coming Soon)


Michael Lewis: (SS) - Signed by San Francisco - ($$$ Coming Soon)



Fred Smoot: (CB) - Signed by Washington - ($$$ Coming Soon)




Extensions

Andre Johnson: (WR) - Re-Signed by Houston - (6 yrs 60 MILLION)

Kris Dielman: (OG) - Re-signed by San Diego - (6 yrs 39 MILLION)


Fred Taylor: (RB) - Re-Signed by Jacksonville - (4 yrs 23 MILLION)



Traded

Dre Bly: (CB) - Signed by Denver - (Traded for Tatum Bell, George Foster and 5th round draft pick)


Dan Wilkinson: (DT) - (Traded for 7th round draft pick)




Waiting

Corey Dillon: (RB) -
Joey Porter: (LB) -
Joe Horn: (WR) -
Wes Welker: (WR) -

This list took a while to gather so I'll comment in the morning.

JAKE PLUMMER - FROM QB TO PORNSTAR - TIME TO CALL IT QUITS

Dirk Diggler's illegitimate brother Jake Plummer has decided to retire instead of being traded to the Tampa Bay Bucs. Plummer says that he would rather retire then go to a similar situation like the one he was in at Denver (competing for the starting QB job). I think he has finally decided to follow his true calling and become a Pornstar. This was the perfect opportunity for him to make it look like it was the Broncos fault. Jake the Snake just needs to start making some movies and he'll be back to normal. Let's be honest, he never was any good at being an NFL QB. What he was good at was the bootleg, which is what he'll be selling out of his car for $14.99 a pop (starring Jake the Snake in "Ball-Sacked").

Jake rather retire (Denver Post)

NFL TALK and Jennifer Love Hewitt

I think I'm experiencing some paranormal behavior Jennifer. Please come to my house as soon as possible with little to nothing on and we can get rid of these ghosts in my pants. thank you. Now some NFL TALK:

Steelers cut Porter (Valley Independent) - It was only a matter of time before Pittsburgh was going to get rid of him and his dogs.

Bly to Denver for Tatum Bell (USA Today) - That's one nice secondary you got!

Parcells rejoins ESPN (ESPN) - Tuna back in the mix. Maybe he'll light some people up now that he isn't coaching.

Jags Taylor signs extension (Orlando Sentinel) - Fragile Freddy gets some money and gets to watch Maurice Jones-Drew steal his carries.

Neal highest paid fullback - (Union Tribune) - The human battering ram gets paid to run over oncoming traffic and pick up LT's kids from school.

LET THE RUMORS FLY

One of the latest Randy Moss rumors has the Packers offering up Aaron Rodgers for his services. As a Raider fan I really like the idea of this trade. Although I'm not totally convinced that Rodgers is the Raiders QB of the future, it would mean that they are more interested in Calvin Johnson (manimal). I have also read rumors that maybe they would look to trade Houston to get David Carr. Either way, I like it. Knowing Al Davis he will probably still draft Ja"Fatty" Russell. Davis likes drafting useless Quarterbacks (see Todd Marinovich).

We also need to dump Porter and use him for trade bait to get some offensive line help. As you know none of this will really happen, but it is nice to talk about.

Packers offer Rodgers (Brew Cityzen)
RUMORS FLY OF RODGERS AND MOSS (ProFootballTalk)

Finally some LOVE for LOVIE

It's about damn time! The Bears finally came to their senses and have agreed on a new 4 year extension worth 22 million with the underpaid Lovie Smith. The deal means that Lovie will average 5.5 million a year which is much better than the chicken scraps (1.4 million) he was making with his prior contract. The Bears were awfully close to really screwing up the upcoming season. They already let their defensive coordinator Ron Rivera go and he signed with the SD Chargers as a linebackers coach. If they hadn't paid Lovie I think da Bears would have started the season in the craper, and the press would have had a field day asking questions all the time about paying the man. I think Lovie had a discussion with God (a close friend of his) and he let the Bears management know they were on notice. Things got done real quick after that.

4 Year Extension (Fox Sports)

Two Types of People in the World (Winners and Losers)

So what did I do this weekend? Friday night I watched Little Miss Sunshine (sure to be a classic). Alan Arkin's character (the Grandpa) made the movie for me. Although everyone did a good job. If you haven't seen it yet I won't ruin it for you, but you better watch it before some guy at work starts quoting all the funny parts.

On Saturday mornings I play flag/tackle football with some guys from work. It's one of my weekly activities that helps me stay sane. When you have kids you need to get away from time to time or you will lose your mind. I also watched some of the Premiership (that's English football to those that don't know). I saw the highlights of my team (Manchester United) beat Fulham (2-1) to go up 9 points over Chelsea in the overall standings. Brian McBride (an American who can actually play) scored for Fulham in the 17th minute and then Ryan Giggs scored in the 29th minute to even things up. Then just when you thought that they might play to a 1-1 draw, the skinny Ronaldo (Cristiano) made a run from midfield and blasted one off a Fulham player past the keeper in the 88 minute. Have a look here

Other scores:

Liverpool 4 - Sheffield United 0

Charlton 4 - West Ham 0

Watford 0 - Everton 3

Wigan 1 - Newcastle 0

Tottenham 4 - Bolton 1

They didn't televise the Carling Cup Final between Arsenal and Chelsea in my area so I didn't get to marvel at Didier Drogba. Chelsea won (2-1) as Drogba scored twice and Theo Walcott scored for Arsenal. John Terry's face met Abou Diaby's foot and the foot won. Click here for the highlights

On Sunday I went and helped coach my 5 year old son's soccer team. It's the first year for the head coach of his team and he seems a little lost. I don't blame him. It's a lot to take on with all of those kids (5 and 6 year olds playing soccer is like watching killer bees attack a honey glazed ham, just get out of the way and hope for the best) . Anyway, I started to help him run practices and during the games I give some pointers. I don't want to over step my bounds. They got pummeled! Most of the kids on my sons team are 5 and they played a team mostly of 7 year olds. Let's just say the other coach didn't take it easy (douche bag). All the kids didn't seem to care, even after the other team scored for the 20th time. Better luck next time. I did get to check out some of the NFL Combine later on in the day. Only have one thing to say about it:

Calvin Johnson is a manimal. Once again he didn't disappoint. This 6'5", 239 pound super human ran a 4.35 forty with borrowed shoes. If we (Raiders) don't take him I will be more than disappointed. This guy will be a Superstar.